Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
