So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Terrible idea I love it
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
