Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
