There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
