It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
