Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
