I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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