Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
