grandma shit on top of the toilet
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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