Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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