I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
