I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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