he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
