Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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