Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
