i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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