Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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