He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
