That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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