i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
