I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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