True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
