YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
