As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
