ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
