splinters make it hard to masturbate
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
