i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So vagazzling was a success
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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