Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
