i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hippo gnu deer
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
