I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
