She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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