You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
