Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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