a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
