i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
