he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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