shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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