Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
