I'm eating all of the evidence.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
