theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
