she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
