you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
