I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
