I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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