My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
