This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
