There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
