You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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