now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
nutella sex= disaster
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
