so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
