no, he came in my armpit
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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