Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
