I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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